I've never been in love

I've dated a lot; slept around plenty. But I've never been in love. That's pretty weird for any 34-year-old and very weird for a 34-year-old relationship expert. On my website, theplunge.com, I give dating tips to single guys. I even do marriage advice. (Mostly, I tell men to - duh - listen to their partner. Amazingly, it works!) But you know that thump-thump-thump in your chest when you really like someone? I don't. I've never thought, Maybe she's The One, never had my heart broken, never - in the last decade, anyway - had a relationship that lasted more than three months. I can write about love, but I just can't seem to feel it.
First, a little background: When I was 13, right after my parents' divorce, I swore I'd never get married. As the years passed, I conflated "love" with "marriage," thinking, If I'm never going to get married, then there's no reason to fall in love. I've actually said "I love you" to three women, but I did it because it was expected. Once they figured that out, breakups ensued. I'm always hurting women, and I'm always a jerk.
The thing is, I really hate being a jerk. And as I've run the Groomsmen Gauntlet and watched my friends get married, I can't help but think: That could be awesome. That could be for me. I want to laugh in a playful snowball fight. I want to think of a girl and dance a goofy jig. I want to be that guy I hate in every romantic comedy.
I've dated amazing women, like Karen, a razor-smart blond; and Alice, with the bubbly laugh; and Cat, the fashion maven. After every breakup, my baffled friends ask, "What was wrong with her?" My answer: "Nothing." So I have to wonder, Am I physically incapable of love? Cavemen loved. Romans loved. Even Stalin loved. I call Diana Kirschner, Ph.D., author of Sealing the Deal: The Love Mentor's Guide to Lasting Love. "Between 2 and 3 percent of adults have never experienced love," she says. "But all those people can get over the problem if they are willing to work on it."
I think about this logically. If you can't play the guitar, you get better by practicing. If you want to lose weight, you get thinner by dieting. Maybe I just need a little love practice. So I consulted the experts and coaches. I gave them a mission: Help me find love. Here's what they prescribed. Cupid, I'm calling you out. Bring it.