Many couples find their soul mates in one of the many dating sites available today, and all because of the great facilitator which is the Internet. Others, like me for instance, enjoy dating for the fun of it, and are not necessarily looking into a long-term commitment--at least not at the start of my first date with someone.
Most of my dates for the last few years came from searching online. I'm going to try and give the gentlemen out there a few pointers. You already know what to do, or maybe not, but I'll provide you with some of my experiences for your entertainment. Perhaps, from these 'personal insights' and 'comical moments', you'll be able to learn some shortcuts that could save you money, and maybe some embarrassing moments.
Dating based on "search and find" methods on the Internet with only photos and a profile to go by carries a certain degree of adventure and surprise, especially when you don't know how you'll both react once you meet on your first date. The results could be you're both thrilled and happy and very excited! Other times, you just might be disappointed. I've found that after reading the candidate's profile, and having seen the photos posted, I'll have some idea of what to expect. Don't be too surprised when you meet your date to find that the 'glamour shots' in their profile were a bit overdone, in comparison with the real person.
Here's what I've learned over the years, and I'll share these pointers for your perusal. There'll be exceptions to my basic rules, so please go from there.
1) As soon as you have made a good contact on a dating channel, get a hold of her phone number, and at the same time give her yours. When you have a chance to talk, try and get a feel for some sense of compatibility. Keep the conversation light, and if you don't feel any excitement talking with her--at least after a while into the conversation--you may as well take an old friend out for dinner. Trust me on this one, you'll have more fun! Or, you can take a chance on your date, and just hope for the best. My point here: don't rush into anything until you're ready. The same, of course, applies for the ladies. Perhaps you need to email each other more, and converse on the phone a bit longer, and then see what develops there.
2) One of the main reasons for going out, I believe, is to find "romance" (not meaning sex), and there are other good reasons, but that's my main objective. If that 'very important goal' isn't met, at least partially during the first meet, I would hesitate to ask my date out again. I want to reiterate once again, that there are exceptions to my rule, so you decide. Some people seek to make friends for the long-term, and that's fine. However, I don't have to pay to go online to a 'dating.com' site to look for female friends. I can find them at my church for that matter, or in my travels.
3) When you're already in communication with a prospect, but haven't gone out as yet, try and get your questions answered. When the lady that you're considering taking out starts to set terms over the phone or via email, e.g.: "I don't like to give anyone my name, if I don't know you." Or, "You give me your number because I don't like to give my phone number out to any man." I like this one, "I smoke a lot, and if it's a make-or-break deal here, I just want to let you know now that I'm not planning on quitting." I would at that moment consider taking someone else for a date. I want to feel some sense of excitement and trust right from the start, and if I'm presented with 'conditions,' I get uncomfortable. That's me anyway! I'm sure the ladies confront the same problems as the men.
4) Best policy that I've developed over time and experience, and it has saved me a few bucks-- and I still get to my objective-- is what I call: the "Starbucks Dating Policy," or the "Snacks and Drinks Policy." When I invite a date for the first time, I mention that I'd like to meet for coffee to get to know each other. Other times, I invite for drinks and snacks. It'll be up to you to make that choice. Once we get to the meeting place of choice, and we're getting along comfortably, I just change gears and ask my date if she'd like to have dinner with me. Sometimes they say okay, and other times they'd prefer to go another evening. Either way, at least I feel that I'm accomplishing something here without the burden of an 'expensive dinner,' should my date and I not find common ground.
5) Avoid getting to your meeting site late, if you can, especially if it's a date for drinks and snacks or dinner. Twice I've had to pay bar tabs which were steep, and they would have gotten steeper had I not arrived just-in-time to save the night (and my wallet). On one such date, 'my lady' was "sauced" on four glasses of very expensive Chardonnay, and that was before I ever got there. At dinner time, she again hit the wine list for another three glasses of the same expensive brand. After dinner and a couple of cups of coffee at a Starbucks nearby, I escorted her to her car, and she went home. Needless to say, I never saw her again.
6) Once you get to your date and greet each other, watch for signals of excitement, or the lack thereof. On a very recent coffee date that I went to, the other party must have been disappointed at not finding her "blue prince knocking at the door." I felt her disappointment, and wish now that I had simply said, "Thank you and goodbye!" right there and then. When it doesn't work out from the first few minutes that you meet, why hang around for an hour-plus trying to find 'common ground' when there's probably none to speak of?
7) Be faithful to your Profile, and do keep your photos current. Dating is not a game, especially when people's feelings and impressions are involved, and it requires certain rules of etiquette. There's nothing more embarrassing than to present yourself '10 years later' from the date that the photos were taken, and you try to impress your date. Unless you've found the "fountain of youth," most likely you'll have aged, just like me.
8) Remember these words from someone that enjoys dating ladies online, "The man pays the bill at all times." So get to the meeting site early if it's drinks and snacks or dinner, unless you've made prior arrangements with your date for the bill. A word to the wise, enjoy your dates with enthusiasm. The other party is just as interested in making something out of it, as much as you. If you're both nervous at the beginning of your meet, that's fine! It'll be your job as a gentleman to set the atmosphere on 'relax mode.' You're both there to enjoy the evening, so make your best to do so.
9) Try to avoid talking about your past affairs with your date, on email, on the phone , or at your meeting place. In other words, don't volunteer that information. Even if your date asks you questions about your ex-wife and past girlfriends, etc., keep your answers short, and refrain from going into negative details. If you must answer the questions, go on the positive side and let it be. Should your date go into 'negative mode' about her past life or dates online, be patient, but at your first opportunity switch subjects, if you can.
10) If your winks or email messages don't work on a girl that you'd like to take out, let it go. Don't waste your time persisting. Go on to your next prospect. Should you receive a message of "No interest", or "I'm going with someone to see how it works out," just accept the response and don't take it personal. Continue with your search, and keep trying new possibilities. There are many wonderful ladies out there waiting for the right guy to come along. Make sure you're that guy for her!
One last recommendation which I feel will serve you well, is to give your guest a chance to open-up during the date, and try not impress her with 'pearls of wisdom.' We all have a story to tell, but your date wants to know that you're also a good listener. So be generous with your conversation, and allow your lady to speak as well. You never know, just one good tip noted above might bring to your life the best date ever!
Finding a date on the many channels available on the Internet is a great way to find someone for accompaniment, romance, entertainment, fun and excitement. Not all of your dates will be memorable ones, but once in a while you'll come across that 'special person' who'll "light-up your life," and perhaps, she turns out to be the one that you've been looking for all these years!
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